SEtalk: What Silence Says

I'd like to begin with a few seconds of silence.

我想先从几秒钟的沉默开始。

There. How did that feel?

好了。感觉怎么样？

I noticed a few of you reaching for your phones!

我看到有几位已经伸手去拿手机了！

Was it peaceful, or a little uncomfortable?

是觉得平静，还是有点不自在？

For many of us, silence feels like something's gone wrong.

对我们很多人来说，沉默让人觉得好像出了什么问题。

Researchers in the Netherlands studied exactly this feeling.

荷兰的研究人员专门研究过这种感受。

Volunteers imagined a conversation that suddenly went quiet.

志愿者们想象自己身处一场突然安静下来的对话中。

Just four seconds of silence was enough!

只要四秒钟的沉默就够了！

People felt anxious, and they felt rejected.

人们感到焦虑，还觉得自己被排斥了。

Four seconds, and we start to doubt we belong.

短短四秒，我们就开始怀疑自己是否属于这里。

But does everyone feel silence the same way?

但是，每个人对沉默的感受都一样吗？

In the 1980s, John Graham recorded real business negotiations.

上世纪80年代，John Graham录下了真实的商务谈判。

He counted every silence of ten seconds or more.

他统计了每一次长达十秒或更久的沉默。

Japanese negotiators had about five every half hour.

日本谈判者每半小时大约有五次。

Americans had three or four.

美国人有三四次。

And the Brazilians? Almost none at all!

那巴西人呢？几乎一次都没有！

Instead, they interrupted each other all the time!

相反，他们总是互相打断！

So what does a silence actually mean?

那么，沉默到底意味着什么？

That depends on where you learned to talk.

这取决于你是在哪里学会说话的。

The same pause can say very different things.

同样的停顿，可能传达完全不同的意思。

In Finland, friends can sit together without saying a word.

在芬兰，朋友们可以坐在一起，一句话也不说。

Nobody feels awkward. It's simply comfortable.

没有人觉得尴尬，只是觉得很自在。

In Japan, a pause often shows respect and careful thought.

在日本，停顿往往表示尊重和深思熟虑。

But in many English-speaking places, silence signals a problem.

但在许多英语国家，沉默意味着出了问题。

Years ago, I flew to Tokyo for my first big deal.

多年前，我飞到东京去谈我的第一笔大生意。

I made my offer, and the room went completely quiet.

我提出报价后，整个房间一片寂静。

Five seconds. Ten seconds. I started to panic.

五秒，十秒。我开始慌了。

So I kept talking, and I lowered my own price.

于是我一直说个不停，还自己把价格降了下来。

Later, my host told me, 'We were just thinking!'

后来，接待我的人告诉我：“我们只是在思考而已！”

Silence isn't empty. It's full of thinking.

沉默并不空洞，它充满了思考。

So here's my challenge for you this week.

所以，这是我给大家这周的挑战。

When a conversation goes quiet, count slowly to five.

当谈话安静下来时，慢慢数到五。

Ask someone a real question, and then actually wait.

向别人提一个真正的问题，然后真的耐心等待。

You might hear the most honest answer of all.

你可能会听到最真诚的回答。

Thank you.

谢谢大家。