Whose Parents for Christmas? A Couple Negotiates

So... we probably ought to broach the subject of Christmas.

那個……我們大概該聊聊聖誕節的事了。

Ah, the annual summit. Shall I fetch the negotiating table?

啊，一年一度的高峰會。要不要我去把談判桌搬過來？

Only if we can agree on the shape of it first.

前提是我們得先對桌子的形狀達成共識。

Go on, then. What's your opening position?

那你說吧。你的開場立場是什麼？

My family, Christmas Day. It's been two years, strictly speaking.

聖誕節當天去我家。嚴格說起來，已經兩年了。

Two years? Last year was a technicality, and you know it!

兩年？去年那只是技術性問題，你自己心知肚明！

A mince pie on Boxing Day hardly counts as a visit.

節禮日去吃個百果餡餅，根本稱不上拜訪。

Look, if we skip Mum's, I'll never hear the end of it.

聽好，要是我們不去我媽那邊，她會念個沒完沒了。

She'll mention it casually, every Sunday, until roughly next Easter.

她會若無其事地提起，每個禮拜天，大概一路講到明年復活節。

Ah yes, the sigh, followed by 'Don't mind me, I'll manage.'

啊對，先嘆一口氣，接著來一句「別管我，我自己可以。」

Whereas your dad's idea of festive cheer is a six-hour Monopoly marathon.

而你爸心中的過節氣氛，就是六小時的Monopoly馬拉松。

That's unfair! It was Risk, and it was barely five hours.

這不公平！那是Risk，而且還不到五個小時。

Ugh, he annexed Australia and gloated about it till midnight!

厚，他併吞了澳洲，然後得意到半夜！

Well... he does take his continental strategy rather seriously.

嗯……他對自己的大陸戰略確實滿認真的。

And then there's the small matter of getting anywhere.

然後還有個小問題：我們到底要怎麼過去。

Hmm, the trains on Christmas Eve are a lottery at best.

嗯，平安夜的火車，講好聽一點也只是碰運氣。

We could drive, if you're happy to brave the M6?

我們可以開車，如果你願意挑戰M6的話？

Oh... last time we spent three hours stuck near Birmingham.

唉……上次我們在Birmingham附近塞了三個小時。

Fair point. Let's keep the motorway as a last resort.

有道理。高速公路就當最後的選擇吧。

So, what if we split the day between them?

那不然我們把那天拆成兩半，兩邊各待一半？

Two roast dinners in one day? I'd need hospitalising!

一天吃兩頓烤肉大餐？我會被送進醫院！

Spoken like a man who's never declined seconds in his life.

這話從一個這輩子沒拒絕過續碗的人嘴裡說出來喔。

Well, alternatively, we could just... stay here, the two of us.

嗯，或者，我們就……待在家，就我們兩個。

And incur the wrath of both families simultaneously? Bold!

然後同時惹毛兩邊家人？真大膽！

Wait, what if we host? Both families, here, together!

等一下，不然我們來辦？兩家人，在這裡，一起過！

Your dad and my mum, under one roof? Are you mad?

你爸跟我媽，在同一個屋簷下？你瘋了嗎？

Nobody travels, nobody feels slighted, and we control the board games!

誰都不用奔波，誰也不會覺得被冷落，而且桌遊由我們說了算！

Hmm, and Mum can't play the martyr if she's a guest.

嗯，而且我媽如果是客人，就沒辦法演苦情戲了。

Fine. But next year, we alternate, and it's in writing.

好吧。不過明年開始輪流，而且要白紙黑字寫下來。

Deal. Shall we shake on it, or draft a treaty?

成交。我們握手為定，還是起草一份條約？

A handshake will do. I trust you... mostly.

握手就好。我相信你……大部分啦。

And I'll personally confiscate Risk before your mum arrives.

而且你媽來之前，我會親自把Risk沒收。

Now that, darling, is the most romantic thing you've ever said.

親愛的，這是你說過最浪漫的一句話。