Whose Parents for Christmas? A Couple Negotiates

So... we probably ought to broach the subject of Christmas.

那个……我们大概该谈谈圣诞节的事了。

Ah, the annual summit. Shall I fetch the negotiating table?

啊，一年一度的峰会。要不要我把谈判桌搬来？

Only if we can agree on the shape of it first.

前提是我们先就桌子的形状达成一致。

Go on, then. What's your opening position?

那你说吧。你的开场立场是什么？

My family, Christmas Day. It's been two years, strictly speaking.

圣诞节当天去我家。严格来说，已经两年了。

Two years? Last year was a technicality, and you know it!

两年？去年那只是技术性问题，你心里清楚！

A mince pie on Boxing Day hardly counts as a visit.

节礼日去吃个百果馅饼，可算不上探望。

Look, if we skip Mum's, I'll never hear the end of it.

听着，要是我们不去我妈那儿，她会没完没了地念叨。

She'll mention it casually, every Sunday, until roughly next Easter.

她会若无其事地提起，每个星期天，差不多一直到明年复活节。

Ah yes, the sigh, followed by 'Don't mind me, I'll manage.'

啊对，先叹口气，然后来一句'别管我，我自己能行。'

Whereas your dad's idea of festive cheer is a six-hour Monopoly marathon.

而你爸心目中的节日欢乐，就是一场六小时的Monopoly马拉松。

That's unfair! It was Risk, and it was barely five hours.

这不公平！那是Risk，而且还不到五个小时。

Ugh, he annexed Australia and gloated about it till midnight!

唉，他吞并了澳大利亚，然后得意洋洋到半夜！

Well... he does take his continental strategy rather seriously.

嗯……他对自己的大陆战略确实挺较真的。

And then there's the small matter of getting anywhere.

然后还有个小问题：我们怎么去得了。

Hmm, the trains on Christmas Eve are a lottery at best.

嗯，平安夜的火车，说好听点也就是碰运气。

We could drive, if you're happy to brave the M6?

我们可以开车，如果你愿意去闯M6的话？

Oh... last time we spent three hours stuck near Birmingham.

唉……上次我们在Birmingham附近堵了三个小时。

Fair point. Let's keep the motorway as a last resort.

有道理。高速公路就留作最后的选择吧。

So, what if we split the day between them?

那要不我们把那天分成两半，两家各待一半？

Two roast dinners in one day? I'd need hospitalising!

一天吃两顿烤肉大餐？我得进医院！

Spoken like a man who's never declined seconds in his life.

这话从一个这辈子从没拒绝过添饭的人嘴里说出来啊。

Well, alternatively, we could just... stay here, the two of us.

嗯，或者，我们就……待在家里，就我们俩。

And incur the wrath of both families simultaneously? Bold!

然后同时惹怒两家人？真够大胆！

Wait, what if we host? Both families, here, together!

等等，要不我们来办？两家人，在这儿，一起过！

Your dad and my mum, under one roof? Are you mad?

你爸和我妈，在同一个屋檐下？你疯了吗？

Nobody travels, nobody feels slighted, and we control the board games!

谁都不用奔波，谁也不会觉得被冷落，而且桌游由我们说了算！

Hmm, and Mum can't play the martyr if she's a guest.

嗯，而且我妈要是客人，就没法扮演受委屈的那一个了。

Fine. But next year, we alternate, and it's in writing.

好吧。不过明年开始轮流，而且要白纸黑字写下来。

Deal. Shall we shake on it, or draft a treaty?

成交。我们握手为定，还是起草一份条约？

A handshake will do. I trust you... mostly.

握手就行。我信你……大部分时候。

And I'll personally confiscate Risk before your mum arrives.

而且你妈来之前，我会亲自把Risk没收掉。

Now that, darling, is the most romantic thing you've ever said.

亲爱的，这才是你说过最浪漫的话。