SEtalk: The Trap of "I'll Be Happy When…"

Finish this sentence for me.

请帮我把这句话说完。

"I'll be happy when..."

“等到……，我就会快乐了。”

When I get the promotion. When I buy the flat.

等我升职的时候。等我买了房子的时候。

When I finally lose those last five kilos.

等我终于减掉最后那5公斤的时候。

We've all got a version of that sentence.

我们每个人心里都有这句话的某个版本。

For me, it was becoming a partner at my firm.

对我来说，就是成为公司的合伙人。

I worked seventy-hour weeks for nine years to get there.

为了这个目标，我连续9年每周工作70个小时。

And when it finally happened, I was thrilled!

当这一天终于到来时，我高兴坏了！

For about a fortnight.

大概两个星期吧。

Then a strange flatness set in.

接着，一种奇怪的空虚感袭来。

Nothing had gone wrong, and yet nothing felt any different.

什么问题也没有，可是一切感觉都没什么不同。

And, almost immediately, I started chasing the next goal.

而且，几乎马上，我又开始追逐下一个目标。

Psychologists have a name for this: the hedonic treadmill.

心理学家给这种现象起了个名字：享乐跑步机。

However much we gain, we quickly adapt,

无论我们得到多少，都会很快适应，

and our happiness drifts back to where it started.

幸福感又慢慢回到了原点。

One famous study even looked at lottery winners.

有一项著名的研究甚至调查了彩票中奖者。

Within a year or so, they were barely happier than anyone else!

大约一年后，他们几乎没比别人快乐多少！

Worse, they enjoyed ordinary pleasures less, like chatting with a friend.

更糟的是，他们从平凡小事中得到的乐趣反而变少了，比如和朋友聊天。

One researcher calls this the arrival fallacy.

有位研究者把这称为“到达谬误”。

We believe arriving will make us happy,

我们以为到达终点就会快乐，

so we keep running towards a finish line that keeps moving.

于是一直朝着一条不断后移的终点线奔跑。

So what's the alternative? Abandon ambition altogether?

那还有什么别的办法？彻底放弃抱负吗？

Not at all. I still set goals.

完全不是。我现在依然会定目标。

But I've stopped making my happiness wait for them.

但我不再让自己的快乐去等待它们了。

These days, I measure a good week differently.

现在，我用不一样的标准来衡量一周过得好不好。

Did I learn something? Did I laugh with my daughter?

我学到东西了吗？我和女儿一起笑过吗？

Did I get my hands dirty in the garden?

我有没有在花园里弄得两手是泥？

Goals are wonderful for giving life direction.

目标能为人生指明方向，这很棒。

But they're terrible places to store your happiness.

但用来存放你们的快乐，却是糟糕透顶的地方。

So the next time you hear yourself say, "I'll be happy when..."

所以，下次当你们听到自己说“等到……，我就会快乐了”，

try finishing the sentence with just one word.

试着只用一个词把这句话说完。

Now.

现在。

Thank you.

谢谢大家。