A Tactful Word with the Neighbour About the Hedge

Good morning, Gerald! Glorious weather we're having, isn't it?

Morning, Margaret! Splendid. Not a cloud in the sky.

Well, not over your side, at any rate.

Sorry? I'm not sure I quite follow.

Oh, it's nothing, really. A tiny, trivial matter.

Well... it's the hedge. I won't beat about the bush.

The hedge? But it's been there since the early eighties!

Indeed, and it's clearly been making up for lost time.

Ugh, my tomatoes haven't seen direct sunlight since June.

Perhaps they're simply shy. Tomatoes can be terribly temperamental.

With respect, Gerald, they're not shy. They're in permanent twilight!

And, not to put too fine a point on it,

it's now roughly a foot over the boundary.

Oh, come now. A foot? I hardly think it's that dramatic.

I measured it. Twice. Purely out of curiosity, of course.

How very thorough of you. Remarkably thorough, in fact!

I'd hate for this to become a matter for the council.

The council? Good heavens, Margaret, is that a threat?

Not at all. Merely an observation, between friends.

Well... I suppose it has got rather out of hand.

Truth be told, my knees aren't what they used to be.

Up a ladder with the shears? Hmm, I've been putting it off.

Oh, Gerald, I'd no idea. I'm sorry for being so prickly.

Prickly? You? Perish the thought.

So, what if we split the cost of a proper gardener?

You'd go halves? Well, that's uncommonly generous of you!

One condition, though. Not until the blackbirds have flown the nest.

Naturally. I wouldn't dream of evicting the blackbirds.

Their landlord, on the other hand, is another matter entirely.

Ha, touché. Shall we seal it with a cup of tea?

Delightful. I'll bring the biscuits, and my tape measure.