Octopus Intelligence: Can They Feel Pain?

Did you see that? It unscrewed the jar from the inside!

I saw. Honestly, it was faster than my flatmate.

Well... clever, or just very good at following food?

Okay, so what's your take? Is it actually intelligent?

Clever, sure. But we shouldn't anthropomorphise a mollusc.

Ugh, you sound exactly like our first-year lecturer!

Look, they've got around five hundred million neurons.

Really? That's in the same ballpark as a dog!

Exactly! And about two-thirds of them are in the arms!

Hang on, so the arms do their own thinking?

Sort of. Each arm can taste and react on its own.

So it's basically a committee with suckers.

Ha! A far more efficient committee than ours.

What really gets me is the camouflage, though.

How does it match colours if it's colour-blind?

Well... nobody's entirely sure, to be honest.

It uses chromatophores, tiny sacs of pigment in the skin.

And some think the skin itself might sense light.

Seeing with your skin? That's frankly unsettling!

Still, problem-solving isn't the same as feeling pain.

No, but the evidence goes well beyond reflexes.

Injured octopuses guard and tend the wound.

And they avoid places where they were hurt.

Hmm, couldn't that still be simple learning?

Then why do they prefer the chamber with pain relief?

Okay... I'll admit that's hard to explain away.

Did you know the UK actually changed the law?

Wait, because of octopuses? Seriously?

In 2021, an LSE review found strong evidence of sentience.

So the 2022 Sentience Act covers octopuses, crabs and lobsters.

Oh no. So boiling lobsters alive is basically indefensible.

Ethically, yes. Legally, it's more of a grey area.

Well... this is awkward. I ordered calamari for dinner.

Ha, squid are cephalopods too, you know.

I know. I'll have the vegetable risotto instead.

Look at you, an ethical convert in one afternoon!

Don't push it. I'm still not naming the octopus.